A Very Typical Day

Here's a little sample of what a typical day might look like in my office:

7:55 Leave too late in the morning to run and get a latte. Sadness ensues.

8:10 Check e-mail. Start writing letter of recommendation.

8:30 Using safety pins, attempt to fix the zipper on a student's skirt. Fail.

8:40 Scrap safety pin attempt and resort to stapler. Achieve moderate success.

9:05 Help student write a paper about Bill Bradley.

9:30 Google "student athlete" and discover the creepiest website graphic ever. Forward to colleagues so they can be equally creeped out.

9:55 Go to school meeting. Find advisee and demand that she finish glazing her ceramics project. Hear 16 announcements about tonight's hockey game, including one from a Venezuelan-born faculty member who is having students repeat a variety of possible cheers. Hilarity ensues.

10:05 Try to resist eating chocolate muffin at dorm heads' meeting. Fail.

10:45 Chase down school counselor to talk about a student. Sadness ensues (not the latte kind).

12:20 Run downstairs to dining hall and make lunch

12:22 Run upstairs and put lunch on desk

12:25 Run downstairs for faculty meeting

12:45 Go to class and review for midterm with panicked Honors students. Reassure them that they will, in all likelihood, still be alive after Monday's test.

1:40 Return to desk and eat lunch. Muse over whether leaving lunch unattended on desk for an hour violates food safety recommendations.

2:00 Leave campus to get latte and bundt pan to loan to a friend.

2:20 Return with three lattes to distribute. Spill half of one latte on coat.

2:30 Talk student through editing of every possible minute detail in every possible answer she has written between all of her applications. Repeatedly pound head against desk.

3:00 Call five teachers before finding one who can send a student up to sign an overdue form.

3:30 Resume writing letter of recommendation, which is now a whole three sentences long.

4:00 E-mail dorm residents to remind them that study hall starts early tonight. Picture, with more than mild amusement, their disgruntled reactions.

4:30 Finish writing letter of recommendation.

I'm wondering if my title should instead be something like "College Counselor/Editor/Teacher/Seamstress/ Bounty Hunter"?