questions on planes

Indulge me, as I am confused about a few things.

• What's the deal with Ed Hardy? Try as I might (although I'm not trying very hard) I cannot understand the appeal. I don't understand what would possess someone to buy Ed Hardy steering wheel and seat covers, nor does a shirt, hat, or whatever other article of clothing (socks? scrunchies?) make sense. Skulls? Roses? Various other totally random things crowded into too little space with too much color? I suppose it's some sort of reusable form of a temporary tattoo?

• Grown women should not, really, under any circumstances, be wearing gigantic fleeces with the entire cast of Winnie the Poo embroidered on the back.

• In a related item, and at the risk of sounding like my father (not that that's a bad thing, Dad), the whole velour track suit thing has never ceased to get on my nerves. I understand the desire to be comfortable on a plane, but I must insist that velour is not the only comfortable fabric. Furthermore, it doesn't really make sense to attempt to be comfortable and (overly) casual and in the process pair said track suit with chandelier earrings. It's a mixed message at best.

As long as we're talking about you, track suit lady who requested to be moved into the seat next to me this morning, let's discuss plane etiquette. Planes, by their very nature, are crowded and awkward; in the interest of reducing all the discomfort associated with this condition, it has become a widely accepted practice amongst humans to not act as if one is simply hanging out at home in the living room. For example, even though you may find that Progressive commercial particularly funny and well-crafted, it is not imperative to laugh out loud. Likewise, although you may know every answer to the questions on Cash Cab, you needn't shout them all at your TV screen; Ben Bailey cannot hear you, and frankly, you're not part of the competition anyway (remember, you're 35,000 feet in the air). Finally, although I know you won't believe me, your travel pillow is not going anywhere; there is no need to attach it to your neck by a cord like some little kid with one of the those attached mitten sets.

Input is welcome.